I've been pretty down lately. From time
to time I take inventory of my life and play the if I coulda,
woulda, shoulda game. It's a game that I never win by the way.
I think back and try to pin-point the
exact moment when I went off the grid and missed the turn or misread
the sign.
Maybe it was the time in 2007, when I
packed up everything and headed to California, with no money and no
job to pursue a life long dream of working in the Entertainment
Industry.
Or maybe it was second time in 2010,
when I quit the job in had in Nevada and moved back to California
with no money and no job because I didn't think I stayed long enough
the first time and the dream was still alive.
I'd come this far, I couldn't go back
and failure was not an option.
Fast forward six years and I am no
closer now, than I was then, geography aside. I still have yet to get
my first job in the Industry.
Where I am vs. where I wanted be? I'm
waaaaay off target. This not how I planned it. Not. At. All.
What went wrong? In the movies the girl
always gets the guy. The underdog always comes out on top; but this
isn't a movie. This is my life and I am not where I expected to be.
Not by a long shot. No way. No how.
I had it all planned. Well sort of. Okay, so I didn't work out all of the details, but I know this wasn't on the original blueprint. Or was it? While I was making plans and dotting my i's and crossing my t's, life was making other plans.
Plans that had I been privy to, I might have stayed where I was and never took that leap of faith. Because looking back, faith was all that I had. It's still all that I have.
My undying belief that yes, this too shall pass. Sooner or later, things will have to go my way. In spite of all the set-backs,
heartbreaks and missteps, I'm still here. I haven't given up yet. I don't know how the story will end. So
for now, I'm waiting for the sequel.
After all, this is Hollywood.
